Quit Smurfin' around!

About 2 hours ago, a power outage took place in my neighborhood. The first time the power went off, it was only a couple of seconds. The second time though, that's when it went out for an hour. It was pouring rain outside and thundering loudly. The thunder was so loud, that it scared the shit out of my dog, literally. When I was eating dinner, my parents were trying to find a radio station where they were talking about the cause of the power outage. So, my mom thinking that she had found the station, decides to leave it on the station and wait for the song "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston to end. I didn't want to listen to that song, because I've heard it way too many times.  So, I just went to my bedroom and sat on my bed, where I was going to read. Suddenly, hearing the famous chorus from the song coming up; as soon as Whitney Houston belted out "AND IIIIIIIIIII....", the lights magically come on at that exact moment. I thought that was pretty funny. It was an early Christmas miracle, that's what I think.

I cannot stand when guys are fake, just like how guys complain about girls being fake. Except, I'm not talking about your usual jerks who are obviously fake. The ones who piss me off the most are the ones who seem sweet or nice, but are just good at hiding their douchiness. I hate to say it, but sometimes I really have the urge to punch those type of guys in the balls. Quit leading people on, especially girls, just act like yourself for godsakes. It's not gonna kill you.

Whenever I'm watching these wedding shows, the amount of money, time, and energy that some of these newlyweds put into it is amazing. And by amazing, I mean ridiculous. Yeah, I get that it's a special day and they want to make it memorable. But it just seems like in this day and age, most people invest way too much of their time and energy into their wedding than into their actual marriage (relationship). Jesus Christ, it doesn't have to be over the top with a wedding cake the size of Big Bird, or entertainers blowing brass instruments out of their ass. I mean, you see old couples who have been with each other for years and I'm pretty damn sure they have never made their wedding as overly excessive or pretentious. If anything, I personally think a wedding should be simple, making your own moments memorable. Plus, it's suppose to be a happy day, not a day to be fully stresed/burned out, especially over the minutiaes of a wedding. I'm no relationship expert, but you can't deny that the rate of divorce is high these days. It's kind of sad if you think about it, because it just seems like it's becoming more rare to see a couple have a strong commitment for each other. Especially with all of this reality TV bullshit plastered everywhere, like slutbags going on shows to win some manwhore's heart over, so that way they can be a part of that lifestyle of the rich and the famous. I would like to think that most people aren't that naive to believe or emulate those people on those type of shows. Is that really how our society is starting to define love as now? I know to some it's just pure, mindless entertainment to watch, especially after a stressful day of work. But to most, in a way, it subconciously brainwashes, or influences people into committing stupid acts that are portrayed in those dumbass shows. Anyway, I just don't think a wedding should be that complicating. It just seems so many people these days are just blinded by the glamour of having such extravagance that often it interferes or defeats the main purpose of why they are getting married in the first place.

I guess it's true what they say: Money is the root of all evil.

I cannot stop listening to "Coming Back to Life" by Pink Floyd. If there's any song that makes me emotional, it's definitely this one. I have no idea why, but there's just something about it that makes me feel nostalgic, or renders me to ponder about life in general. David Gilmour's version, which I uploaded in my video section, is good, too. Although, I still prefer the song with the entire band. Anyway, I should be doing my AP Macroeconomics right now, but I just can't be bothered to do it. Earlier, I was watching "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project", and it was pretty interesting/funny. Whenever I hear stories that come from the 40's or 50's, I sometimes wish that I could live during those two decades. Everything seemed more real and not so caught up in this fast-paced, technological world. I guess I'm just an old soul trapped in a young girls body, as my friends would tell me. Another random and interesting thing also, is that I was talking to my friend about what eras she would've liked to been apart of, and she chose the Enlightenment and Restoration. For me, I chose the Renaissance and the Romantic. We both agreed that we would never want to live during the Middle Ages, unless it was in the Middle East and not Europe.

I'm not really tired, and so I feel like typing about different subjects that are on my mind right now.

Only two people so far have asked, or talked about my relationship status with me. There was this one rare moment where my friend and I were sitting around, just chatting about school and other random things, when out of nowhere she says, "I'm surprised that you've never been asked out yet." I just looked up at her and told her, "well, guys don't like me", just a short and simple answer. Then, she started to go on about how that's not true and blah blah blah. I thought that was a little shocking that she brought that up, since honestly, she's the type who couldn't care less about my personal life. Anyway, she just kept saying how I come off as intimidating to guys and that maybe I should just be more outgoing. I told her how I'm not the type of girl that's all "OMGZ!!!!" and is all coquette and what not, unlike her and the rest of my friends. Plus, I told her I was fine with being single, which is true.

There are some moments where I wondered about being with someone, but most of the time, I'm satisfied without having someone. Another person that had asked me was this random guy who was a little older than me. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him, "no." He then proceeded in asking me if I have ever been in a relationship before. Again, I told him no, which was then followed by, "why?". I just told him that I didn't feel the need to be in one right now. Also, it's because I haven't met anyone that has felt anything towards me and that I have felt the same back. Then, I remember him saying it is amazing how independednt I am than a lot of girls who are my age or something like that. To be honest, it would be nice to be with someone, but I'm not in a rush. I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. Plus, I've been able to successfully avoid "boy drama" throughout my adolescence. I don't need any of that bullshit going on while I'm dealing with my own problems at the same time. An additional bonus to being single, too, is that I have the freedom to check out any guy that I want, without feeling guilty.

The thing is, the only way I would ever get hooked onto a guy is if I have some kind of connection with him. I don't just want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone, nor do I want to use someone as a crutch. I just need to be comfortable with him, because I can never ever imagine myself being with someone who is so damn picky about their social status, or the way I act. I hate how some people make a big deal about this. Why the hell is it wrong to be my age and single? Screw what people think. If they want to conform with that idea, thinking that it's abnormal to be 17 and single, then let them. It just shows how they're not happy with doing whatever the hell they want, and are always going to be the type to live their life by someone else's rule. I do what I want and they do what they're told. Wow, I sound so hubris.

"I think the fact that we live in a society that tells you all the time that pain is bad, that you should shy away from it, that comfort is great, it's all horrifying for me, because I  think you don't shy away from comfort or from pain. You should take whatever comes your way." - Guillermo del Toro

I totally agree with that quote, which was said by Guillermo del Toro, famously known as the director of the movie "Pan's Labyrinth". I have tried to explain that in my Heart of Darkness blog, but I probably didn't get the point across as clearly.

Finally, the Sandman has come upon me. Time for me to go to sleep.

I have a shitload of work to make up, especially for math. I am so happy that this is my last year of high school, I can't wait to get out. I should be doing my missing assignments right now, but I'm really unmotivated at the moment. I should also be studying for my SAT, which took me so long to sign-up for, haha. I kept on forgetting about the SAT, so I ended up missing the date for the one at my school, and now I have to go to another school to take it. I don't know, not much has been happening, except that all week the History Channel has been playing that new show "WWII in HD" and I am lovin' it. Oh, and all week I've been sick, but I am almost fully recovered. While I was sick, there were moments where I got extremely bored, so I ended up going on this site Omegle, where you chat with strangers. I was having so much fun being a bitch to a bunch of perverted old men on there, that I wished I had saved some of the conversations, because they were actually really funny. So yeah, if you want to mess with perverted old people, you can go to that site. Suprisingly, there are some normal people on that site that I have actually talked to. Although, I thought it was interesting how this 22-year-old guy was telling me about his relationship problems. Then, I was talking to this nerd who was against mainstream media and admired Charlie Rose. Yeah, there's some pretty interesting people on that site. Anyway, that's about it, I think I'll go and start on my assignments now, yay.

I have no idea why I'm listening to Karma Chameleon, nor do I have any idea on why I don't care about not doing my English project that was due yesterday. Actually, I was sick, but I think my teacher expects me to turn it in tomorrow. I don't think that'll be happening.

Yesterday, I was watching Oprah, and it was about how females are now becoming more open with erotica and pornography. Jenna Jameson (ex-porn star) was also a guest on the show and explained what it was like being a porn star and how there's this misconception that all porn stars are sluts and what not. Now, this is kind of weird for me to openly talk about, considering that I am only 17. But, I'm just interested in this topic and feel like discussing it at the moment. I have no idea how I'm going to clearly explain my opinion about this subject, but I'll try.

I was watching and listening to this episode and even though I would never work in the sex industry, there is something in particular that I do agree with Jenna Jameson on. Why is it that when females are comfortable with their sexuality, or how they are sexually, they are deemed a slut? It sucks, because there seems to be a stigma in our society where if a woman openly admits to being happy with her sexuality, she is automatically a slut or a hoe. Even a handful of people would think of that as "Oh, that's not normal for women/girls to be expressing or feeling that way about sex." I especially hate the fact how when a female is open about those things, guys just automatically assume that those type of women will hook up with them or are easy. That is probably the main reason why a lot of women/girls suppress that side of them, when it comes to their sexuality. Usually, the women/girls who actually do sleep around with a gaggle of random guys are only recognized because of simply being out there. There are girls who have self-respect, who are waiting, or are not putting it out there, that probably have just as much, or even a higher sex drive than those broads. There seems to be that mentality where if a woman or girl is more in-touch with their sexual side, she is bound to sleep around. God, the double standards! I'm not suggesting that every female should shout this out or anything, I just think it's kind of weird for it to be frowned upon, since we are human beings after all.

Also, with men already being perverted to begin with and pretty immature on this subject, I understand how that can be uncomfortable to express such a thing around them. But besides that, there are certain women that I admire, that are not slutbags, that do present themselves in a confident way, without having to physically be all “Hey, look at me! Watch as I try to go and sleep with every guy!” In fact, usually the women that are truly sexy and beautiful, they are usually the ones who aren’t afraid to present that side of them, being able to do so in an appropriate manner.

In general, what I’m trying to say for this whole post is that there is nothing wrong with females being sexually open (I don't mean sleeping around with a bunch of people). It’s unfortunate that the majority of females would most likely not be taken seriously and most men would pretty much just think, “easy”, or those type of girls who think they’re being all cute or provocative by sleeping around with random guys, which is not what I mean either. The way that I see it, I think that female sexuality is really beautiful. I know that sounds lame, but if you really think about it, it just seems more delicate or graceful, which is probably why they use a blossoming of a flower as a symbolism of a woman/girl experiencing her sexual awakening. Anyway, I often wondered why it is taboo for girls to acknowledge or be comfortable with this about themselves.

Whoa, well, hopefully that wasn't tmi coming from someone my age. Just an opinion, that's all.

So I sit down here on the hard concrete
Think of my future now
I just don't know
I don't seem to care

It’s weird to think that everyone has something going on with them, because of them hiding it so well. I’ve always found comfort in knowing and relating to those who are feeling, thinking, or experiencing the same things as me. These days, it seems like expressing yourself, spilling out your emotions, especially your dark ones, is “emo“, stupid, or pointless. For me, letting go of them helps me to become one step closer to feeling complete freedom. All of these things that I type out on here, I could never tell anybody in real life. Just like anyone, I think we all struggle in trying to fully and honestly express ourselves, constantly having to worry about how others will criticize or ridicule us. It’s just a cycle, even the people that seem confident, arrogant, tough, or macho, they go through it, too. Eventually, they’ll break and the truth will come out. I know in my journals I sound redundant and whiny, but as I aforementioned on here, it’s my way of releasing all the darkness that could’ve possibly drowned me. I’ve never told anyone this, not even my closest friends or family, but I used to go to therapy. It’s not that I was cutting myself or was suicidal, I was just lost. I was depressed, depressed because I couldn’t figure out who I truly was and having to deal with everything going on around me, trying to handle being judged or misunderstood and accepting a death of someone very close to me. This was from when I was 15, but when I went on a trip to Italy alone; when I came back, I felt like a brand new person. It seemed like I’ve grown up that summer, having a better grasp and understanding of those past demons. Although, earlier this year, at 17, I went back to the therapist for a bit, just because it seemed like some of these problems were resurfacing, while new ones were coming up. It’s probably apart of the last stage of adolescence, I figured. You know, I have to be honest and say that therapy was probably the best thing for me. Even though my problems didn’t have to do with self-inflicted wounds, or suicide, the insecurities were just as effective and potent as those two. Therapy helped me and I wish people my age knew that it’s actually helpful. I understand that feeling of not wanting people to know, finding out that you have problems, or people think of therapy as a place for “crazy” people. But really, in this world, what person is sane? Seriously though, therapy has helped me be more open and accpeting of myself. I'm still trying to fully accept myself, but if I have never gone, I'd probably be worse right now. Plus, I wouldn't even be typing all of these ridiculously long journals out on here.  I know some of my fears of showing this side of me, in real life, is coming off as complex, with people thinking that I’m too much to hang out with. I believe we all have a façade on, no one is 100% true to themselves. There will always be apart of us that no one will ever know or see. I am aware that my journal is public, but for some reason I want to leave it open. Before I started typing it all out, I was thinking about putting it on private, but then I just thought maybe it might be a good way for people to read, to feel better in knowing that they relate to someone else. That they’re not the only one. I know that sounds corny or lame, but I honestly think everyone always find comfort in relating to other people. I know I do, that’s for sure. So, I just felt that it would be nice, just because I know I would crave for the same, too. As of now, I hope that I become free, becoming a woman, leaving behind all the troubles of being a girl. I want to let go. It really feels nice to let things out, you should try it if you haven't.

My god, it is 2:00 AM right now as I am typing this out. Let's just hope that later in the morning I won't regret this.

Halloween is coming up soon and I still have no idea what I'm gonna be. Last year, I did a last minute thing where I wore an oversized white long-sleeved collared shirt with black skinny jeans, and painted my face with round red cheeks and  a black French mustache. I also wore black eyeliner and red lipstick. I didn't know what I was, so I just left it up to people to think whatever they thought it was. But when I saw the final product, the outfit reminded me of Jennifer Connelly in the movie "Labyrinth" and the makeup reminded me of Jeanne Moreau in "Jules et Jim".

+  ++ ++=

Halloween last year was pretty crazy, there were a bunch of drunk and entertaining people. My friends and I were in the city area during that night, and I could see why a lot of kids' parents do not let their kids go down there at night. I remember seeing a fight break out, because I'm assuming this man had done something either perverted, or had said something inappropriate to this woman, which resulted in the lady punching the guy. The fight was quickly broken up by the police and the two went their separate ways, with the woman cussing angrily. Then, of course, you've got your entertaining, crazy, and idiotic drunks. I remember my friends and I were standing outside of this corner store, eating, because we didn't have dinner and were starving. What happened was this lady who was completely wasted, was with her boyfriend who was trying to keep her up so that way she wouldn't fall down to the pavement. So, he ended up having to take off her heels and drag her elsewhere, with her skirt constantly going up, making her thong visible to the public eye. There were also these guys who had a video camera and they were filming girls' asses while they were walking behind them, with the girls being totally oblivious. Then again, the way that some of the women/girls were dressed, they shouldn't be surprised to get that kind of attention. We were fortunate to not have been bothered by any creepy men, so we actually had a pretty good time. We walked along the strip, which was super crowded, but really funny. My favorite strangers of that night were these 2 couples. One couple were dressed up as harlequins and they had those tiny bells on their hat thing. So, what the two did was they linked arms with one another and started skipping all jolly, so you could see them jumping up and down in the crowd, hearing their bells jingle. I thought it was pretty funny and cute. Although, my favorite of that night was this other couple who were dressed up as the Spartan cheerleaders, like Will Ferrell and that other lady from Saturday Night Live. When I was walking, they were waiting at the cross walk, and as soon as the sign changed to the walk signal, the guy and girl started to run across the street all crazy, with their arms swinging like windmills, like how Will Ferrell and that other lady would do it whenever they made an entrance. Also, other things that the couple would do was stop and pose, smile like this :D, and do the spirit fingers. It's one of those things where you have to be there in person, because it was really funny. I like couples that do those kind of things, unlike those obnoxious ones that just walk around being drunk or bitchy. After all of that, I got home around midnight and I went to sleep. I don't know what I'm gonna do this year, I either might dress up and go out or just stay in and watch scary movies.

"She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. Table, ivory elephant charm, rainbow, onion, hairdo, mollusk, Shabbos, violence, cuticle, melodrama, ditch, honey, doily...None of it moved her. She addresed her world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, I don't love you. Bark-brown fence post: I don't love you. Poem too long: I don't love you. Lunch in a bowl: I don't love you. Physics, the idea of you, the laws of you: I don't love you. Nothing felt like anything more than what it actually was. Everything was just a thing, mired completely in its thingness."

Often, I’m just looked passed, just like an extra in a movie. I have difficulty in trying to trust my gut feeling and others around me. On the exterior, I’m seen as shy, timid, or tough. My friends think they know me so well, but little do the know. Little do they know that inside I’m full of rage and love. When am I ever going to find peace and happiness with myself? I’m sick of crying, I’m sick of being misunderstood. No one knows how I feel, for fear of what they would think of me, or how they would treat me after. No one knows what I went through in my life, so what gives others the authorization to say shit like “be happy you have a life” or “others have it worse”. No shit, Sherlock, that’s what I try to think. I constantly try to think about how there are others out there who have it worse, which I do believe. But in reality, when it’s happening to YOU, you can’t help but not ignore it. That is the very reason why I do not tell anyone, because I know that is probably what they will say or think. No one should comment on another person’s predicament, or life, without knowing them personally. I’ll probably regret typing this out, but I’m just overwhelmed/confused right now. I want to be perfect for someone, but I just feel like I’m not good enough. I'm trying my best to continue on my pursuit for happiness. I just hope that the direction I'm heading in, it will not lead me to a dead end. I hope that I find something that I’m missing.

It's 11:25 and I am unable to sleep as usual. I don't know why, but lately I've been listening to a lot of 80's metal/rock.

Too bad most of the songs play for 30 seconds when it's not on imeem.

Today is boring and it's gloomy outside.

Lately, I've been feeling nostalgic a lot and thought maybe I should type some of it down before I become senial and have no recollection of any events. These are some of my memories of my more happier moments in my life. I write too many gloomy blogs anyway. One thing that I will never ever stop loving to do is go on random adventures. There are many that I've had and wish I could rewind and do all over again.

Story #1: When I was 11 or 12 years old, my friend and I were walking around the neighborhood at dusk. As we were walking, we looked straight ahead and saw all of these big trucks unloading cameras and equipments. As the people were unloading, we saw where they were going to and it was to a house that was across the street. Being curious kids, we went up to this guy who was unloading the trucks and asked what was going on. He said that they were filming the show "LOST" there. So both of us were of course surprised and pretty stoked. Then, the guy was really nice and told us that we could go and watch if we wanted to. So my friend and I were even more excited and said sure and so we went across where there were two other kids sitting. So it was 4 of us, where we sat outside of the house and looked at the little camera thing to see what was happening (although you couldn't really see much), while being quiet. As soon as it was done, it was night time and everyone came out and stuff. Then, my friend and I saw Jorge Garcia (Hurley) come out, going to the table to eat some snacks. At first we were really shy and intimidated to go up and ask if we could take a picture, but then my friend's mom eventually made us, haha. So, we asked him and he was really nice about it and said sure. As we were getting ready to take a picture, he told us to hold on because he was eating a cherry tomatoe and so he quickly stuffed it in his mouth in a weird way and it was pretty funny. So that was really cool and it's nice that he wasn't arrogant or anything like that.

Story #2: When I was 15, I went to Italy and one of the places that was pretty funny and yet interesting was Pompeii. The one part of Pompeii that was pretty amusing and will always stick out of my mind whenever I think of that place is the brothel that I went into. Don't worry, it's an ancient brothel, so it was not current and running. When I got inside, I looked up and it was like a McDonalds' menu; there were painted pictures of different sex positions. So, what people back then would do is choose a picture of what they wanted to do where they would then be taken to a room where all the magic took place. I remember the rooms, too, and they did not look comfortable (it was all stone). Maybe they had something comfortable on them at the time.

Story #3: This is probably the longest one but I'll try to keep it short. Around 12 or 13, my cousin and I were bored on a stormy day where the news people told everyone to stay inside. Being bored and no adults around, we disregarded the weather people and decided to catch a bus all the way up to the mountain, to this little park. As we got on the bus, it was empty and it started to rain a little more. Then, when we get off, I realized that we got off a little early, but it was ok 'cause it wasn't that far up, except it was for my cousin. So, by having some fun for myself, I would purposely sprint up the steep mountainous hills where she would whine and yell at me to stop. She wasn't mad though, but anyway, I just kept laughing and running up. As we got up there it was empty and it rained even harder, so we sat under the jungle gym and looked out at the view, which was really nice. You could see the entire town and parts of another town being overcasted by the greyness of the sky and clouds. So we just sat at the park talking for about an hour until we decided to go. Walking back down was pretty nice, I remember passing by all of these purple flowers; purple flowers are my favorite. I think purple flowers stand out a lot, especially when it's a rainy day. When we finally reached the very bottom of the town, we decided to go to Boston's Pizza (which was empty also) for lunch. As we were eating inside, we were watching VH1 Classic, which played mostly music videos from the 80's. When we were done, we decided to go to the park across the street where we went on the swings. As we headed toward the swings, it started pouring really hard but we just continued swinging, laughing really hard, with adults in their cars looking at us like we're crazy, because we were out when it was stormy, unsupervised. So, after all of that, we decided to head on home. As we were walking, it rained even harder and thunder began to pound really loud. We started running at some point and then stopped and walked, laughing because of acting like retards running. Finally, when we got home, we were completely drenched and later on started talking about how that was probably the most fun day we've had together.

There are a lot more, but I'm too lazy to type the rest of them out. Maybe next time.

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise
Was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love
And be loved in return"

Did you ever wish that cell phones were never invented? I sure do! This year, I can't stand looking at my cell or using it. I know you're probably wondering, "that's weird." Well, it's that lately I've been under a lot of stress and whenever I have to look at my phone, it's always calls or texts from my peers, reminding me about assignements, projects, and other shit that goes on at school. I just want to throw my phone in the garbage or flush it down the toilet. It's hard to explain how irksome it is. There are so many negative words that can be used for my aversion towards my cell phone. Oh, and what do you know, I just got a text from someone. Alright, I just turned my phone off.

Right now, I just want to go to the beach and swim in the ocean. The ocean is my favorite place to be at whenever I want to get away from everything. I can remember one morning where I went to the beach and there was rarely anyone there. There were no tides or currents, it was just still and flat. I remember just floating on my back and staring up at the morning sky, feeling relaxed. I also swam around, and I could see the sun coming up even brighter in the horizon (that sounds like a corny description from a book). But it's  true, it was really nice and relaxing. Those are moments that I love to spend alone. I like going to weird, non-hectic places to relax. It puts me in a better mood.

If there really is someone up there watching, please don't let me fall.

My god, 2009 has not been friendly to celebrities. Seriously, another one bites the dust, once again. But on a serious note, this is of course terrible and sad. My condolences goes out to his family, friends, and fans. Even though I wasn't alive during the 80's, I did grow up watching some of his movies such as "The Outsiders", "Dirty Dancing", and "Ghost". Anyway, I just had to write about it because I'm a little shocked at how this year has literally been a Hollywood genocide. Another legend gone.

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze.

In My Next Life
by Mark Perlberg

I will own a sailboat sleek
as fingers of wind
and ply the green islands
of the gulf of Maine.
In my next life I will pilot a plane,
and enjoy the light artillery
of the air as I fly to our island
and set down with aplomb
on its grass runway.
I’ll be a whiz at math, master five or six
of the world’s languages, write poems
strong as Frost and Milosz.
In my next life I won’t wonder why
I lie awake from four till daybreak.
I’ll be amiable, mostly, but large
and formidable.

I’ll insist you be present
in my next life—and the one after that.

I need you, grandma.

Green eyes hazed in the sky
Shining like green jewels that no man’s wealth could ever amount to
As it sinks down into the sea
I open my eyes, waking up to dusk
A fresh, cool wind goes through my hair
Awakening my spirit as if he was there
As the sea calmly says its farewell
I fall back into bed, in the silence of the dark
Staying up all night
I stared at the stars which only reminded me of his eyes
I’ve always wondered if this is how life was always going to be
Will time wait for me? Will I have to wait for eternity?
Looking back into my past I was indifferent
But now when I think of him, my mind becomes placid
He is veiled by the thick mist
A secret my friends will never know
My feelings are blurred on land
But in the open sea it goes off on a spree
The navigation to my heart is an exploration into the dark
He’s the only one that would understand
I would cross the Pacific just to see him
I would walk to the very end of the earth just to be with him
The mystery is holding me down like an anchor
As I wait for Destiny in the August light
Every day I want to escape
From the wilderness of this forest that is only filled with hate
Hoping to one day have this charmed life
My interminable voyage to the meditative sea
Has battles with fear, hate, and love in between
His breath of fresh words has helped me along the way
But in reality he doesn’t know
So for now all I can do is patiently wait
With my heart still remaining as a lonely hunter.

"It was not death she feared. It was misunderstanding."

This week is the last week of summer, so I've been relaxing and watching movies and listening to all kinds of music. I'm bored and I haven't posted this kind of blog for a while so I guess I'll do it now.

I know lately there's this vampire fad that's been going on. Many people are in love with Twlight, True Blood,  and whatever other vampire related shows and movies are out there right now. But if you think those movies or shows are scary/hot, then you definitely haven't seen Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Last night I was watching this Italian movie called "Malèna". I would also like to randomly add that I think Monica Bellucci is hotter than Megan Fox.

My favorite movie.

I can't stop listening to these two songs.

Detroit Rock City! Trip (long-haired stoner) reminds me of this guy at school, haha.

Book I've been reading this summer.

I don't care, I like that old vibe it gives off. It reminds me of being in Italy, again.

I want to watch this movie, but I can't find it anywhere.

I only saw a little bit of it and while I was watching it, I was more confused than scared. Probably because I didn't watch it from the beginning. Plus, I kept thinking how 80's the special effects were, lol.

I was impressed with Heath Ledger, since after all he was mostly known for playing the pretty boy characters. For me, I prefer the first Batman (directed by Tim Burton), but the Joker is a tough one. I know most would automatically say Heath Ledger was amazing, but I also think Jack Nicholson was just as good as playing the Joker. It's a close call, but if I had to choose, I would pick Heath too. But I still prefer Batman.

Am I the only one who laughed at this part of the Planet Earth trailer? I heard one other guy in the back of the theater but does no one else think this part is funny?

I remember when Mari and I randomly watched one episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, we couldn't stop laughing. If you're older than 8 years old and haven't seen this once, you don't know what fun you're missing out on. It's especially perfect to watch when you and your friends have nothing to do on a boring, hot day.

My favorite part of this movie was probably when that big Schnitzel guy randomly broke through the window and was swinging his axe around all crazy. Mari and I started laughing and these adult couple sitting in front of us did too.

It's a black and white 1938 film. I only saw a little bit of it because it was boring. It kind of surprised me though that they had lesbianism going on during that time period. Well, there was St. Edna Vincent Millay who was bi, but I didn't expect it to be somewhat depicted in the movie, esp. in the 1930's. There's no action though (don't be fooled by the picture).

One of my favorite cult movies.

Hahaha

lol at the fighting part.

This is probably my most favorite episode from this season. I couldn't stop laughing when Kathy accidentally whipped Paula Deen in the face with some kind of whip. Another funny part was also when she had to sleep in the same room as Michael McDonald and told him, "I would like to have my period and pull out a tampon and pistol whip you with it."

As usual, I've been watching CNN.

Haha, I actually wouldn't mind being on Cash Cab with a couple of friends.